I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
