He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
