i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
