He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
