do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
