There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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