There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
