3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
