we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ketchup is God's man juice
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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