can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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