Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize