right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
