How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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