Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
