She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
