well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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