I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
