All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
