dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
