booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
