Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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