i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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