...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
