oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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