I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
