i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
