we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
