I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
