I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
