You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
