The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We don't watch enough power rangers
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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