you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
