He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
