i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you inspire me to be a worse person
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
