He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
