I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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