Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
