I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
