I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
