Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
