I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
