I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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