Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
