pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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