im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
