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These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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