That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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