At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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