weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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