Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
