I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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