imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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