shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
