Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
