Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
