Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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