Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
