we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
