I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize