I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
