i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
