ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
