you win again, gameday.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
