sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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