I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
