A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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