Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
