and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
