is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
